just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize