I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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