So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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