Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize