I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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