Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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