I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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