He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
