I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
