Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
