Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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