The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
where am i from again
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The air taste purple.
Randomize
