i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
