I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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