After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
did i just pee glitter
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
