scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
