wat bout pragnant strippers??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
