Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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