I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
