Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
