i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm both gender and math confused
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
