its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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