Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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