could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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