It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
