I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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