This girl is more easily done than said...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's always time for handjobs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
