so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
