I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
