I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
