I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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