you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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