I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
