I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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