I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize