just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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