What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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