i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
