Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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