We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
