Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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