adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
