im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
