it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's official drugs can't kill me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
