New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
