everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
