I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
