I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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