my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
