Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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