hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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