I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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