it glows. i had to have it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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