i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
