Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
