Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
