Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize