Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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