Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
