he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
