True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
