You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize