I think i peed on brittanys purse
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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