I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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