found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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