I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
